Blood flows through my veins yet I don’t feel alive, my cheeks are rosy and warm but I feel drained and lifeless. Tears fill my eyes blurring my image, is it cause I hate what I see or is it my mind protecting me from the truth, blurring out the person in the mirror because it feels like a stranger. I feel alone and scared but is what I am feeling even real, don’t I have to know who I am to know how to feel. The feelings play with me sometimes I am flooded with emotion unable to function and others I am still, breathless willing to do anything to feel; so numb it is like I am not even there, an empty shell with nothing but a barely beating heart. I can’t live like this anymore I feel no motivation flunking out of school because I can’t get out of bed feeling like a disappointment to everyone around me. I was a kind fun loving person lending my shoulder when ever needed but now, a flakey friend and a burden. I feel alone in a room of people unable to submerge myself into conversations watching life pass me as I smile and nod. The potential and will to live leaving my body every waking second so I think how would it feel to be motionless, breathless and forever still no longer feel pain with every breathe and thoughts rush around my mind. No longer have to pull the hair out of my head to stop the endless train of thought full of sadness, would I be happy or regret it? I have thought about this for a long time but can no longer take it I need to release myself from this endless circle. I can’t take the words thrown at me as I walk through the halls they hit me like arrows cutting me up piece by piece each one deeper then the last. The whispers floating around my head labelling me, pushing down till I can’t take it anymore, I am breaking. You always told me I was strong enough to deal with anything that when life threw its worse at me I would be able to stand it, but I can’t I am breaking Mom and I know it hurts you too. I never wanted you to feel my pain so I pushed myself away I want to scream and tell you everything I go through but I can’t because I know it will shatter you I can’t be responsible for your pain. I know what I have done when you read this will hurt you so much you feel you can’t breathe but I am sorry mom I love you endlessly but I couldn’t have stayed in this life anymore . You never did anything wrong I wasn’t the daughter you deserved you deserved someone that sat with you and laughed with you not someone who hid away and shut herself out. I hope you forgive and don’t get lost in what others say I know to you and our community. I am a coward but I couldn’t keep living like that. I just hope you keep the love u have for me and it doesn’t change to hatred because of what people say.I love you mom and I am truly sorry , but I have made my decision when you find me I will look asleep but this time I am not waking up .I left my ring on the table next to the note for you and the necklace for my sister.Goodbye mom I am happy now…….I love you